I was just remembering a visit many years ago to my aunt and uncle's house in San Diego. My cousins (their boys) are now in college, and back then, the twins were maybe 14, and my older cousin was maybe 16.
They ate like teenage boys so, which is to say, like vacuum cleaners. The problem was that they didn't clean up after themselves like vacuum cleaners. I remember my aunt coming through the kitchen, putting tops on peanut butter jars, twisty ties back on the bread, jelly back in the fridge, sealing up the cereal and the chips, and wiping off counters.
I called her on it, asking her how they were going to learn to take responsibility for themselves, and particularly, how were they going to become good husbands in the future if they expected someone to clean up after them. She responded that, yeah, she knew, but that sometimes you gotta pick your battles. The boys had so much else going on (the twins had been major premies and still struggled with some OT and social issues). My older cousin was holding down a job and going to high school at the time. Yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah.
Flash forward to today, and guess what? Oh crap...I have become my aunt. I totally and completely get where she was coming from. ("From where she was coming", I should say...we're not allowed to end a sentence in a preposition in my house. But I digress).
Of course, I've thought up with some good excuses for my lax parenting, so I'll just vent them here:
a) My boys have OT issues, sensory issues, PT issues, social issues, and so on. The social issues don't have anything to do with helping make breakfast, but the others do. Half the time they trip or spill or make a huge mess. Other times they can't stand the feel of a texture. They're really sensitive and klutzy.
b) I would rather do it myself just for the sake of expediency (see "a" above).
c) If they've been stressed by other demands, it's my way of letting them rest, i.e., I've picked other battles, and I'm not going to choose this one.
d) Particularly with Evan, but also Brian, I can only give one small instruction at a time, breaking down some simple tasks into minute bits of tasks. It's really tiring.
e) I'm just too tired to care (see "a" thru "d" above).
But yet, they are now 10 and 8, and darn it, it's time for them to do more...spilled, mucky, mess or not. I have just picked up my sword.
Thinking through my battle plan like a homeschool parent (where everything is a "teachable moment"), this is what I've decided:
We are going to schedule some classes this year called "Home Economics for Dummies". I won't be sharing the title with the boys.
We will take as long as it takes to learn how to make and clean up a pb&j. We'll practice sweeping floors without knocking the toaster off the kitchen counter. We will perfect the art of making a dish towel "damp" (not dripping and soaking, but "damp"). If something smells "funny" to B & E, then they can wear surgical masks, and if it feels uncomfortable to handle, then we'll go with gloves.
We'll make time for all sorts of "mundane" tasks slowly and patiently. It's all gonna be part of the 2007-2008 curriculum at CAN Academy.
I'm feeling more hopeful already.
P.S. Seeing as I've got several "doctor" friends, how 'bout donating some of those masks and gloves? :-)
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4 comments:
Sister, you know I wou.ld donate some of those gloves, but, swear to goodness, I used up a brand new box of 100 last week straightening up the condo.
I definitely do Home Ec around here. And it counts as homeschooling for us. I think it's very important.
And you are so smart to realize that often times you can do it better, neater, faster, smarter, and cleaner--but still, you've gotta let them learn how to do it.
My home ec teaching motto:
-See one.
-Do one.
-Nice work! It's your job from now on.
See what I'm saying?
I LOVE your teaching motto.
Around here, it'll be:
See 5126.
Do 7938.
Great, now we've finally got it down pat!
And by then, I'll be senile and won't care anymore.
But what the heck...we'll give it a shot anyway!
CAN - I LOVE your blog. And I must say, being a former marketing chick who was forced to take a grammar course because my boss said I couldn't write... it is now acceptable to end sentences in prepositions. We don't speak that way, and it's no longer a rule that we can't write that way :) I was SO glad to get to tell my boss that one... although, he quickly replied, "I don't care what you just learned, you will NOT end a sentence in a preposition." So, the sentence in question... which was never an actual sentence because it didn't have a SUBJECT and a VERB became: Solutions from the company to whom you trust your network. He wanted it written that way. When my mother, the English teacher read it, she laughed. The company is a thing, not a person... and the statement should have read: Solutions from the company to WHICH you trust your network.
I still stand by: Solutions from the company you trust your network to. But, I am the one who doesn't know how to write after all.
Welcome to the blogosphere :)
Great blog man! Go Cindayyy.
Uh, what's with the kids these days? From where I come, we didn't have bread upon which to put our P&B - we had to eat it right out of the jar in which it was stored. And we were darn lucky when get it we could, and with utensils were we supplied with which we could eat.
Picking up after themselves, today's kids should. Strong and independent, they will then feel.
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